i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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