The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
