guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
