shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Randomize
