based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
