Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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