you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
