I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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