He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
