Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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