You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
