Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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