U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
if only i could text you this smell
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How naked do you want me to be?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
