oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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