did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
third nipple confirmed
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
