hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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