Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
