Where are you?
In a non slutty way
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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