Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
