dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
