If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
