Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
