I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
