I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
