at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
