____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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