Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
