Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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