ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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