All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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