Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he high fived his dick after we had sex
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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