when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
