Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize