youre lurking in front of me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
