He disabled his match.com account in front of me
now i know why i became what i already was.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize