drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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