Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sacagawea was the original milf.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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