I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
