Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
