how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize