Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
