Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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