Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
