I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
