remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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