you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
