my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize