Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you made out with another girl for some wings
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
