In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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