Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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