There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
