Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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