so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
two words...techno handjob
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
