Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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