Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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