and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think people are normalizing furries
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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