I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
