So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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