dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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