We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
