I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
