I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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