I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
