In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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