NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
