hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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