hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize