I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
foreskin is a definite game changer
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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