I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
